Here's Where I Am

It's been a long, rough month. My days start at five in the morning some days and end way past midnight every day. I've been getting extra hours because of the new position I was training for and after I started working it I realized that I hate it even more than what I was doing before. I may be making just a bit extra money but is it worth it if it feels as if it is ripping the soul from my being. I guess you can tell, I am immensely unhappy with my work life.

I had just spoken with my job about taking a week off for an emergency trip to help my sister care for our father. The next morning he passed. I worked one more night and left the next afternoon. Already exhausted from working right up until we left and rushing out with no preparation it was a rough trip up. Funny thing was despite the circumstances it was such a relief to be away from work for a while. It made me realize I should stop waiting until I am ready to move and try to find another job now and get out of there. Life is too short to hate what I do and have work nightmares all the time. It isn't the type of work or the people that bothers me. It is the corporate nonsense I suppose, all the little things added up that make no sense at all. It is also a corporation that cares little for the employees and has the former lawsuits that prove it.

My time away was spent running about with my fathers final arrangements and trying to help my sister. My sister had been staying with my father in his apartment as his caregiver. Since she is wheelchair bound, in truth they were each others caregivers. As soon as he passed the apartment management gave my sister an official notice that she had exactly two weeks to vacate the apartment. It was a mad dash but I think she has a place to move to now.

My sister waited for me to arrive so that I could write the obituary. She handled all the other arrangements and I did the obituary and brought his ashes home with me so I can bury him sometime this summer. My brother was unable to make the trip this time. I've just been too numb to write or be involved with much of anything. I'm rambling here, but having the time away and having a brush with mortality has me wanting to make changes rapidly.