Funny How Things Work Out

Still busy, but I'm able to see things falling into place around here. The mold has lost the battle and the dust is slowly subsiding. The library is busy sorting the two carload donation and the local thrift shop is busy pricing their new items. Soon I will be able to sit and write in my home with no distractions, um well, that was until I received a phone call today. Things are changing again.

I was doing all of this extra cleaning and organizing, first because I let some of the regular chores go too long, and second because I knew there were changes ahead for me. We have an empty nest and the economy is bad. I was looking forward to a move and a new job. I wanted a new state and new opportunities.

My son asked to come home for a few months so he cold save towards getting his own apartment. We told him we'd be glad to have him and he has been dropping by before or after work to clean and move his stuff into the extra bedroom little by little. He bought new curtains yesterday, and tomorrow he will help me clean the carpets.

My eldest daughter has asked before if she could stay with us but has always changed her mind. This time her lease was up and she hadn't found work and she finally had enough. Ten minutes after I spoke with her my brother called me for a recipe. When I told him the news he immediately volunteered to drive up to get her. He was able to take a few days off on short notice and leaves in four days.

Now on top of completing all of my cleaning projects I have to get the house baby proofed in a few days. My daughter has to pick through an entire house of belongings and pick just a few bags and boxes of the most important bits that she can shove in the back of a small hatchback car and leave all the rest. We have our work cut out for us.

I have to rearrange my house and my thinking. I just bought two big office chairs. I was going to just keep them at the kitchen table since I usually do my writing there. Sticky fingers however, will ruin them, so I have to move them to the bedroom if I can fit them. I also have to clear the bottom book shelves, place the knife block out of reach, and make sure no cleaning supplies are on lower shelves anywhere.

Goodbye empty nest and hello recession style living. There will soon be four adults and a baby in a two bedroom home. There is a possibility that the youngest may have to come back as well. We can make it work, we just have to be organized and thrifty. We also have to communicate often and well.

Work Work Work

Sometimes I am too busy. I work my schedule and go in to work extra when anyone calls out. I'm paying down my remaining debt and saving every penny I can so I will be prepared for upcoming changes. I'm not even sure what the changes will be but I will be ready. I will either get a fabulous job offer, or I will seek work in another state and move, or I will just find a temporary spot to land in this state. I want changes and soon. I'm ready.

My husband and I are hemmed in by negative work environments and a stagnant job market. We are waiting for changes. I'm not talking political changes, I'm talking about the kind of life changing moves you make on your own that open up new opportunities. Different jobs, different surroundings, change.

I have a lot to do at home. I have bookcases to empty out, and closets to clear out. I want to be ready.

I must make sure my children are fully independent and doing well so I will not worry if I am living a bit further away from them. My youngest daughter needs a license and a car. My eldest daughter needs employment. My son needs to build an emergency fund now that he has a car and a job. All three need to be careful in their relationship selections, their decisions. They are grown, it's my time now. I need to be ready.

I have tomorrow off, but it is cookie baking day. I had a baking day with my brother but we didn't get as many completed recipes. I have a lot to do with only one day to do it. I work several days straight after that with no time for extra baking. I love baking, so it's not a chore but it will take all day and night. Perhaps I will have time, ten minutes at a time, as each batch cooks to daydream a little, and plan for a new future.

I am glad I started this blog. It boggles my mind how many people stop in to read this stuff. If you've ever stopped to comment or just read and never said a word, I am grateful for you. Thank you for joining me on my journey. I'm wishing everyone a happy holiday and a pleasant winter. I hope you'll still be around for new chapters yet to come.

I Don't Know What To Call This One...

I'm in the break room at my job eating cookies with a vengeance and writing my blog by hand on a paper towel. I couldn't be more miserable. I know I have to make changes and soon! I'm not sure at this time whether these changes will involve sprucing up my resume and taking a job somewhere else, or whether I will move or just step down from the higher position (if they will let me) at my current company. The hours are longer and they expect you to accomplish too much in too short a period of time. In addition they expect you to cashier and bag groceries as needed and keep up with your own tasks. I am fast and professional however, I can not do it all in the amount of time given. It takes a great burst of adrenalin to get most of the work done to get out on time. If you are not done in with the safe and the office locked and alarms set by an hour after closing you will be written up. If you leave some paperwork for the morning shift to complete so you get out without a writeup the morning shift will gossip about what a lousy worker you are with everyone in the morning. When you arrive for your next shift everyone greats you with a sad little smile and a twinkle in their eye and asks, "What happened last night?" You end up explaining how busy it was, how many rude drunks came in, and how far behind you were, as if it was every ones business in the first place. I have worked in retail for many years much of it in management so I know how to accomplish tasks quickly and I do have time management skills. It is just a bizarre situation at this time.

All of this brings me once again to why I haven't written. At first I was just numb after my dad passed and now I'm just completely exhausted. I'm sad and tired all the time. I don't want my blog to become a collection of writings about how life sucks. That isn't what it's meant to be. I don't want to bore anyone or bombard my readers with constant negative posts.

I do have some wonderful news in the near future. I don't want to jinx it so I'm not telling yet. I have many decisions to make and my mind is swirling with all of the possibilities. Of course, I am really concentrating on the craziest idea I came up with and daydreaming away big time. I almost have my husband convinced that my crazy idea is the choice to make. I won't be able to hold it in for long, I just want to wallow in my nuttiness a while longer before everyone tells me I'm crazy.

Thank you all for reading and for all the warm comments during my recent difficulties. I'm not sure which direction I'll be traveling but it sure is wonderful to have you along for the journey.

Here's Where I Am

It's been a long, rough month. My days start at five in the morning some days and end way past midnight every day. I've been getting extra hours because of the new position I was training for and after I started working it I realized that I hate it even more than what I was doing before. I may be making just a bit extra money but is it worth it if it feels as if it is ripping the soul from my being. I guess you can tell, I am immensely unhappy with my work life.

I had just spoken with my job about taking a week off for an emergency trip to help my sister care for our father. The next morning he passed. I worked one more night and left the next afternoon. Already exhausted from working right up until we left and rushing out with no preparation it was a rough trip up. Funny thing was despite the circumstances it was such a relief to be away from work for a while. It made me realize I should stop waiting until I am ready to move and try to find another job now and get out of there. Life is too short to hate what I do and have work nightmares all the time. It isn't the type of work or the people that bothers me. It is the corporate nonsense I suppose, all the little things added up that make no sense at all. It is also a corporation that cares little for the employees and has the former lawsuits that prove it.

My time away was spent running about with my fathers final arrangements and trying to help my sister. My sister had been staying with my father in his apartment as his caregiver. Since she is wheelchair bound, in truth they were each others caregivers. As soon as he passed the apartment management gave my sister an official notice that she had exactly two weeks to vacate the apartment. It was a mad dash but I think she has a place to move to now.

My sister waited for me to arrive so that I could write the obituary. She handled all the other arrangements and I did the obituary and brought his ashes home with me so I can bury him sometime this summer. My brother was unable to make the trip this time. I've just been too numb to write or be involved with much of anything. I'm rambling here, but having the time away and having a brush with mortality has me wanting to make changes rapidly.