The Good the Bad and the Wet

Last night was lovely.  Youngest daughter decided she wanted to invite the other grandparents and their daughter for dinner. She cleaned and shopped and cooked. We gathered near the kitchen table laden with a vegetable tray, a cheese tray, a chip and cracker tray and several dips. While we nibbled she slipped salmon, catfish, and cod into the oven. (She wanted to accommodate every ones tastes.) It was very sweet. Dessert was a three layer chocolate and strawberry checkerboard cake decorated with fresh strawberries that she baked that morning. It was fun. We almost never entertain. Work schedules and laziness get in the way. She did a wonderful job, the conversation flowed, and it was just a perfect evening.

We did enjoy our last rv trip. These trips are sort of learning expeditions for us. We still do not know how to work everything. We don't know the proper terminology or the right way to hook things up. The first time we went out we explained to the workers at the park that we had no idea what we were doing. They very kindly helped us hook up everything. We learned that we had too short a water hose to hook up to most rv sites, and we did not have the right end to our sewer hose to set up at a camp properly. We bought the new items we needed so could use the water on this second trip. On the second trip I discovered that our hot water heater does not work.

We have also known from using the rv at home as well as the park that when running the air conditioner on high it flips a circuit both in the rv as well as the house or other energy source. The circuit breaker box also heats up. I don't think it is supposed to do that.

It started raining last night and has continued all day. The sky is grey, there are puddles forming in the back yard, and the dog is refusing to go out in it unless absolutely necessary. My husband brought me to the living room to show me the wet spot all along the front of the couch where she dried herself off after using the restroom very quickly this morning. Clever dog. I normally love grey skies and rain. Especially when the rare moment strikes when I have the house to myself and can listen to the rain fall in peace with no other sounds.

As I said I normally love rain and grey skies. Today I opened the door to the rv, walked the short length from the cab to the bed in the back. I surveyed the drips from the skylight and air conditioner in the front. I saw the light fixture filled with water and dripping. I felt the puddle of water on the rug between the table and the couch and noticed that it trailed back to the front of the bed. I have to admit I dropped my head to the dogs shoulder and cried. We sat on the couch for a few stunned moments before getting buckets to catch the drips and try to save what we could. I only have the basic insurance for the tag. I have just started to rebuild my savings. I used everything to purchase this rv. I have no idea how much this is going to cost. I'm crying again.

More Musings from the Hospital

For the Time Being...

I'm sitting in here again, day six. Even though the work hours are very light at this time because business is down, I gave today's shift to a co-worker. I still haven't had a proper nights sleep. I'm really feeling it today. I have no energy and almost feel drunk. If I don't get sleep soon....

It is hard to see your child in a hospital bed, even if they are 21 and just resting and waiting to give birth. The doctor has estimated the babies weight to be around six pounds, and after the ultrasound they did when she arrived at the hospital they let her know it's a girl. The waiting is the hard part. Her room is in front right by the nurses station and she has already watched several families come through the door, scream for a while and leave the next morning with a newborn mewing softly like a kitten. I'm exhausted and she is bored. My husband is tense and sleep deprived as well. There is just too much to do, too much to be accomplished, and too little money coming in to the household.  Okay, that's enough of me complaining.

Jinx

I should never had said anything when I did, but a year and a half ago I bragged about becoming debt free within a few months. I was so excited about my shrinking debt that I had to share. The bills were dwindling, the student loan was finally off my back and there was just one credit card. That's when Chloe (our dog) became even more ill. She needed hospitalization and more frequent medication and a very expensive specialized diet. I'm not complaining because she needed it and it had to be done, she was family after all. Too frequently there wasn't enough cash to cover her care and quite a bit of it went on credit. We even opened a new account for her final hospitalization thinking a miracle would be performed that would buy us a little more time with her. I'm not upset I used credit at all, I just feel I may have jinxed myself a bit by calling myself almost debt free too soon.

I keep track of my total debt each month and I can almost taste it. When I saw $1500.00 in black ink I smiled. Soon after I was giddy when I wrote the figure of $1200.00. Now it is at $869.00 and I am trying to get rid of it as soon as possible. I can't wait to see zero.

RV Lust

I know that I will never remain debt free forever. There are some large ticket items that I may need to purchase on credit. Recently I decided to see how good my credit was and see if I qualified for a loan. I know, I really should reach zero first, and there is a lot going on in my household, but... I have wanted an RV for a long time.

I want an RV with a burning passion. I wouldn't mind living small, and I want more travel in my life. We can do the types of jobs we do anywhere. Also at this point with a full house, a night owl two year old, and soon to be a squalling newborn, it would be really nice just to park it in the driveway and get a full nights sleep.

We went to the dealership just to look, and then we fell in love. We test drove, discussed, and then decided to fill out the paperwork just to test the waters and see what shape our credit is in now. We had a bankruptcy in the past because of a bad housing decision, and poor budgeting choices. I had no idea where we stood credit wise. Turns out we were at 710 and 719, not bad but still too close to the bankruptcy so we were turned down. They said if we tried again in a few months we could probably be approved. It's okay because it's nice to know we are almost where we want to be.

I plan to try again in six months to a year and have it paid off before we do any extensive traveling. It may keep us here longer in the land of no jobs and low pay, but I don't want to take a chance and go anywhere when I have more than just a few thousand in debt to keep up with, unless of course I have a fabulous job waiting for me.

My husband tells me to stop lusting over RV's. He tells me I stare at them when we pass one on the road, and I need to quit. Sigh, I'll have one one day.

Putting a Hold on Impulsive Jumps

The economy is not improving, I don't care which paper you are reading or which expert is in your ear. There may be a few real estate deals to be had for those with spare funds, but rents are remaining the same in my area. Gas, groceries, insurance, and many other living expenses are inching up each month yet everyone lucky enough to still have a job has the same wage as before.

My son is weighed down by student loans, an uncompleted education, and the stresses of retail management. Eldest daughter is balancing full time work and motherhood. Youngest daughter has returned home stressed after a failed attempt to share a home with friends. It seems a perfect time to revisit an old post.

Handy Hints For Communal Living

When you are on a frugal path with a goal you have to stay the course until your goals are met. If you jump too soon any small setback can put you right back where you were before. Keep your skills fresh, remember these times will not last forever, celebrate small victories, and plan out your future without losing sight of your goals.

Things are working out so far here, everyone is pitching in to help out, and someone is always here to entertain Grandbaby. Side note: every time I try to write a post, or do any reading on my computer Grandbaby comes into the room, gives me a kiss, smiles, sits next to me, and says, "I watch," next thing I know I'm clapping along to "Yo Gabba Gabba."

Realistically I will be here for up to two years until everyones goals are met. I'm reworking my room a bit now and turning it into more of a retreat for my husband and I. This doesn't involve money as I am just deep cleaning and moving furniture about. I'm getting rid of some furniture that just takes up too much of the limited space. Next I will tackle the common rooms, before attempting a massive garage clear out. Reorganization of our small house will make it easier for all to get along.

My one remaining debt is shrinking, and my savings are growing gradually. We'll just be that much further ahead when everyone else catches up. If you are paddling toward shore and feeling discouraged don't stop and try to stay on the lilly pad. The lilly pad will crash, keep on paddling all the way until you reach shore, you'll be glad you did. Plan, and be ready for the better times ahead.

"Oh, that's all? I love you."

When I was little I had a big brother. He was grown and mostly out of the house but he was around for periods of time up until we moved when I was approximately ten years old. I had other siblings, one sister who ran away when she was almost eighteen and I hadn't met yet, another sister much older than I who was more like an aunt at the time because of the age difference, and another older brother who took great delight at the time in picking on his younger sibling.

I so loved my eldest brother. He cooked me special meals, stood up for me whenever someone hurt me, and brought me presents when returning home.

We had two houses on my parents old property. We had the old house and up the hill we had the new house. The old house was a beautiful old farm house that came with the property when they purchased it and the new house was the one my dad built himself. My dad had worked in many aspects of construction and they were able to build and fix up properties, saving a tidy sum along the way. However, this won't be a frugal post about saving money, learning a trade, or property improvement and real estate. It's much more personal.

When my brother was not in a big city far away from our acreage he stayed in the big upstairs bedroom in the old house where I was born. The rest of us lived up the hill in the new house which my brother referred to as the shoebox for it's basic shape and lack of interest.

I clung to my big brother and tried to spend every moment with him. We cooked together and hung out in his room. I used to sit on the natural stone slabs that were placed in the hill as stairs and wait for him to realize I was waiting. I listened to the sounds of his radio drifting down and caught glimpses of him dancing past the windows. Eventually he would feel my little eyes boring into him and say, "Hey, how long have you been down there? Come on up."

We listened to albums, we played games, he read to me, and tucked me in at night. He cooked crab cakes and shrimp for us. We made Christmas cookies but we didn't have any cookie cutters so we had to cut all of those shapes out with butter knives.

Once he got into a huge shouting match with our dad. Well, it really wasn't a match because our dad was doing all the shouting. I don't remember what it was about because it was long ago and I was very little. What I do remember is hiding under the kitchen table while the voices escalated. When it became really severe I jumped out and yelled at my dad, "I love my brother! Leave him alone!" I was sent to bed for my efforts. My brother came in quietly later to comfort me. I didn't understand why I got in trouble.

When I was a small shy child in first grade a high school kid molested me on the school bus. It was horrible and I was scared. I told my parents and my eldest brother. My parents had issues of their own I suppose. They didn't know how to conduct themselves sometimes, mostly they just retreated. My mom said, "Why didn't you just hit him with your lunchbox?" That's a sentence that has certainly stuck with me for life. My father just gave me a disapproving look like I had done something wrong. My brother looked at them and shook his head, he looked at me and then he took off through the woods in the direction of the the house I had described as the place where the guy had his bus stop. No one ever mentioned the incident again in my house, but nobody ever touched me again on the bus. I shudder to think of how things would have turned out if I didn't have his help there. I'll never know what he did.

I was in high school when my brother told me he was gay. It didn't change my love for him one bit. I was out of my parents house when I learned he had AIDS. When he died I was living in a detached garage with no bathroom or kitchen with my three small children. We had to walk to my parents house next door for facilities. I had nowhere else to go, no job, no money. I couldn't be there for him in his final days. I couldn't afford to make the trip when he died. I was heartbroken, yet I had to go on for I was in survival mode. I found out he passed one afternoon and that evening I had a midterm exam in Sociology. In a fog I went to class, telling no-one of my inner pain and carried on.

My mother, ever private, told me if I had to tell anyone at all to tell them it was cancer and not to mention AIDS. This was when there was such an uproar over AIDS on every news channel. I also found that my parents had prejudices of their own. My mother actually gave me a lecture on why I shouldn't have anal sex. Can you imagine anything so embarrassing? Mother, I'm a straight female, I don't think you need to worry about that.

Fast forward a decade. I had completed my two year degree but not pursued it further because I had settled for retail management. I bought a house and worked 40 to 70 hours a week. The children were older and finances had improved (so I thought at the time) but we were deep in debt.

My son wanted to talk to me alone. He seemed so nervous. My thoughts immediately turned to what he may have done. I was so worried until he finally said, "Mom, I'm gay."

I laughed and gave him a big hug, "Oh that's all? I love you." I said, "I was afraid you were going to give me bad news." My son had officially come out at thirteen with no shouting matches, no threats, and no tears. I didn't take on a cloak of prejudice from my forebears. I only kept the love.

My dad came to the house to discuss his financial plans. He was gifting each grandchild with a small amount of money for college or vehicle expenses. He said, "I guess I will still give your son some money even though he's gay. You're letting him be like this? It killed your brother you know."

"No dad," I snapped angrily, "Being gay didn't kill my brother. AIDS killed my brother!"

I loved my brother and I love all of my children. I will always love them. I'm proud my son felt safe, and loved enough to come out and state who he was at thirteen. I know from experience, from conversations with my brother and son and friends that it is not a lifestyle choice. You are born that way.

I wish I could rid the world of prejudice and hate and ignorance and silly feuds and war. Life can be way too short. Gather all the love you can. After all, love is all you can take with you.

In a perfect world people would just be accepted for who they are. It breaks my heart to hear of teen suicides, and bullying, and to hear about kids who have to hide who they are around their families. I wish all children were allowed the confidence to live as they want to live.

If you've read this far, I'm giving you homework. Go hug your children/siblings/spouse/parents...Give huge bundles of love to everyone important to you. Life is all too fleeting. Love unconditionally, it's important. Please teach tolerance and share love.

Thank You!

All Squished In

Daughter and grandbaby have arrived and son is almost completely moved in. So far so good, it's actually working out. We had space for most of the stuff, and we have a little storage available in the garage thanks to our decluttering and donation frenzy. Of course, there wasn't much because what she couldn't squeeze into that one car she left behind.

Grandbaby arrived cursing like a drunken sailor on shore leave after a year at sea. (Thanks baby daddy.) He's only two so the phase won't last. As soon as we are over our sporadic fits of giggles we'll correct him.

We didn't know how dog and baby would get along. This was a concern because in this small house there are no extra rooms to separate the two. There were a few minutes of sniffing and how-de-do and then baby brought out his play balls and the dog brought out her bone and her favorite squeaky toy. They are instant best friends. Grandbaby grabbed the dogs favorite squeaky toy (a blue football) held it out and said, "Mine!" and then jumped on the bed with it and said, "Ha ha." He held onto that ball all day and went to sleep clutching it that night. She only just got it back today. They are going to be just fine.

With all of this going on, my husband and I haven't much time to ponder anything else. We were excited because I managed to get a Sunday off and were planning to go on a long overdue day out but my brother left a day early and Sunday was the day when they arrived at our house. That's okay, I'm not complaining. It was still a good day. A few days ago, however, my husband called me at work and said, "Hey, guess what we both forgot?" For the life of me I couldn't think of a thing. He then said, "Happy late anniversary!" Oh well, there's always next year.

10-10-10 Happy Birthday Dad!

Today would have been my Dad's 88th birthday. He loved a party and I know he would have had a great time celebrating on 10-10-10. He would have worn a paper party hat, played cards, and had a large serving of cake and ice cream (butter pecan was his favorite.)

I'm glad I was able to spend a small amount of time with my dad before he passed.

I'm grateful I was able to write my dad's obituary.

My dad was a coupon clipper and rebater. He stretched his money farther than anyone I've ever heard of. Without realizing it at the time, my after work shopping was sort of a tribute to him. I bought two large tuna pouches, and two Bumble Bee tuna sensations lunch packs for seventy one cents. Thanks Dad.

Bittersweet Journeys and Motherly Guilt

I'm glad I made the journey. It is always good to visit family from out of state that you don't get to see often. It is bittersweet when there are health problems and you know there won't be many more visits. We surprised my dad by picking up my eldest daughter along the way and bringing his great grand baby. The joy on his face made the whole trip worth it.

When the kids were little I often suffered from what I call motherly guilt. When I couldn't afford a toy they really wanted, I suffered. When I couldn't get the day off for their birthday and we had to celebrate on another day, I had motherly guilt again. Now they are all grown and I still get motherly guilt. My son just started a job so he couldn't leave. My daughter is working a full schedule and had to stay. My husband had to stay and work as well. So today, valentines day and more importantly, tomorrow his birthday I am here. We had made plans for his birthday for the first time ever. We usually just work our birthdays as any other day but this year we decided to do something. I'm feeling bad for that too. We both know that things happen and we can reschedule because this trip was important. I still feel bad. What's wrong with me? I also feel really bad because he has to work and I got to take a trip and visit with our grand baby. Silly, I know. I just wish we all could have afforded to take off and come up here.