It's Been a Long Long Time

The worst news I'll give first. My grand baby had to get emergency surgery last week. My daughter called one morning and said she was taking him to the doctor because he had a gumball sized lump on his upper thigh. She called later that evening and said it was the size of an egg. The next call was from the hospital to let me know it was now the size of two eggs and he was heading to the operating room the following morning and they didn't know what it was. They operated and left the wound open so it would heal from the inside out and wouldn't become re-infected. It took several days for all the tests to come back and it was staph. I don't know how he got it but I am glad they caught it early and he is healing quickly. It is scary to have to go through something like that as an adult. I can hardly imagine how awful an experience it was for a year old baby.

We may have an empty nest but we haven't had any time together because we are always working. I'm just stating a fact, not complaining. I wouldn't dare complain when so many are out of work still. My free time, however, is temporarily missing.

My husband had the laundry all sorted and sitting by the front door in baskets the other day. I grabbed a bottle of detergent and some dryer sheets and the quarters I got from the bank earlier. We were at the front door ready to load everything in to the car when we both simultaneously started to complain about not really feeling like hanging out at the laundromat. It was so easy to get my husband to agree to taking the Lowe's card for a ride instead. Since they were having a six months no interest sale going on, and since I've recently paid off three bills I was able to purchase a washer and dryer. I will pay them off well before the interest starts and now I can do laundry whenever I want. There had to be some good news in here somewhere.

Weird Connections (In My Mind)

This morning I woke from a dream. I was getting ready to go to the store so I was going through the house and asking everyone if they needed anything and if they did I was adding it to my list. My dad was sitting on the couch and he said, "I need deodorant."

I went to the store and was tossing stuff in the cart. When I reached the deodorant aisle something occurred to me and I said out loud, "Hey, why would dad need deodorant? He's dead." Then I woke up.

I'm home now after a night of work. My daughter shopped after work and left her purchases on the table. I found it strange to see a container of deodorant there.

The Empty Nest Announcement

I've asked to step down at work. The late nights were not meshing with my family's and household schedules, and there was too much expected in too little time with very little training. So soon I may have more time to tackle forgotten household chores and write a few more entries for my poor neglected blog. They promised me the same amount of hours so it should be okay until something better comes along.

Another new development is at home. My youngest daughter found an apartment! This is a momentous occasion since my son moved out a month ago I will have my very first official EMPTY NEST! Don't read this wrong. I love my kids. But it's an EMPTY NEST! It deserves celebrating.

I wonder if anyone else looks or looked forward to their empty nest as much as I do? Some people laugh at my jokes and get it others look a me with a puzzled expression and wonder if I am the worst mother they ever met. What matters most is my kids get it. They know they are loved, and they will always have help when it is needed, but now Mama needs a tidier home and some adventure of her own.

Strawberries Are Like Crack

I fell victim to merchandising yesterday. I was in the store running past the display when the smell wafted past me. Mmm, I stopped for a look and they were only two dollars. The smell was right and the price was right so I added the unplanned for item to my cart. I just washed the whole basket and started eating them one after the other trying to find just one that had a faint hint of strawberry taste.

When I was very small I used to eat wild strawberries. They grew everywhere in our yard and in the fields and in the forest. I gobbled them up whenever I found them. Much different then their modern factory farmed counterpart, they were the size of the tip of my pinkie finger and the taste...the taste was extraordinary.

I've read that the first time you take crack there is a tremendous high and then you chase that high and it is never quite the same as the first time. I imagine the people hooked on that drug feel much the same way as I feel after purchasing another package of strawberries. I have found berries that are quite good occasionally but I have never had a strawberry that even halfway matched the wild ones I gobbled up one after another when I was little. Sigh.

The Last Straw

Could not sleep at all last night, tossed and turned for what seemed an eternity. I had to be up before the sun for a meeting. The rest of the day was mine. I chose to get all my chores done after the meeting so I can just relax this evening. I have a giant blister on my hand from vigorously steam cleaning the carpets. The dishes I ignored yesterday are done, as is the mopping. The bathroom really needed cleaning too. Enough is enough. It will have to wait one more day because I'm stopping here. Hey there are other people in this house perfectly capable of picking up a sponge and a mop bucket. (Not so subtle hint to grown kids. :)

Madam has not been feeling well. She is taking shorter walks and being sick more often. She has also had moments of confusion when she can't feel her way around the house like she use to. She is draped across my foot now resting after a short walk and a lunch of boneless chicken breasts and broccoli. It is so sad for me to watch her health get worse and see her age so rapidly. Another vet visit will be needed in a few weeks when we have the funds. I am dreading the possibility of bad news on that front.

Well, I'm certainly meandering about aimlessly today. My main thought today? It was actually said to the whole group at the meeting. "We need you to better plan your vacations in advance so we aren't left shorthanded." Um, vacation? VACATION???!!!! My father died. I'm so sorry, now that I know how you feel we will plan all family members deaths on weeks that are convenient for you and your corporation.

The job hunt starts Monday.

Think'st Thou I'd Make a Life of Jealousy

Some people are jealous when they see their doctor pull up to his office in his new sports car that cost more than many of his patients homes. Others are jealous of corporate CEO's or high powered attorneys. Many are fond of money and power but have no access to either in their lives. Me? Well, as you know I'm a little different, quite strange to many. My own family and friends are quite baffled sometimes. I get a little jealous when I see a person many would refer to as a bum.

"Huh?!" you say and shake your head in bewilderment. Hear me out. I'm not talking about homeless families in shelters and out of work due to various circumstances. I'm not talking about the drunks and addicts that beg for money at intersections. I'm talking about that guy you saw on the interstate with the raggedy backpack, and that other guy that stayed in town for a while reading the encyclopedias one at a time at the local library during the day and fishing at the river in the evening.

"Are you crazy?" you ask. Perhaps. But I see them as possessing an infinite supply of free time. They have all the time they want to wallow in a timeless world of paperback books. They can escape into the woods and enjoy nature for days if they wish. They have no obligations, no toilets to scrub, no lawns to mow, no closets to organize, or walls to paint, and best of all they have no soul sucking jobs to report to.

I know the reality, they are out there due to difficulties and they certainly didn't choose their hardships. Some have health issues, some fell on hard times, and most would live differently if they had a chance. But there is this little part of my mind that romanticizes their plight. I daydream about what if I were out there and traveling from one state to another, cooking simple meals over a campfire, reading as long as I liked, and having all the time I wanted to write. I know it's silly they aren't grown Huck Finn's of the interstate, but, I can't help daydreaming and becoming just a little jealous.

April, I stole my title from Othello in honor of you. You inspired me to give Shakespeare one more try. http://smallmomentsofgreatreward.blogspot.com/2010/04/loving-shakespeare.html

I Don't Know What To Call This One...

I'm in the break room at my job eating cookies with a vengeance and writing my blog by hand on a paper towel. I couldn't be more miserable. I know I have to make changes and soon! I'm not sure at this time whether these changes will involve sprucing up my resume and taking a job somewhere else, or whether I will move or just step down from the higher position (if they will let me) at my current company. The hours are longer and they expect you to accomplish too much in too short a period of time. In addition they expect you to cashier and bag groceries as needed and keep up with your own tasks. I am fast and professional however, I can not do it all in the amount of time given. It takes a great burst of adrenalin to get most of the work done to get out on time. If you are not done in with the safe and the office locked and alarms set by an hour after closing you will be written up. If you leave some paperwork for the morning shift to complete so you get out without a writeup the morning shift will gossip about what a lousy worker you are with everyone in the morning. When you arrive for your next shift everyone greats you with a sad little smile and a twinkle in their eye and asks, "What happened last night?" You end up explaining how busy it was, how many rude drunks came in, and how far behind you were, as if it was every ones business in the first place. I have worked in retail for many years much of it in management so I know how to accomplish tasks quickly and I do have time management skills. It is just a bizarre situation at this time.

All of this brings me once again to why I haven't written. At first I was just numb after my dad passed and now I'm just completely exhausted. I'm sad and tired all the time. I don't want my blog to become a collection of writings about how life sucks. That isn't what it's meant to be. I don't want to bore anyone or bombard my readers with constant negative posts.

I do have some wonderful news in the near future. I don't want to jinx it so I'm not telling yet. I have many decisions to make and my mind is swirling with all of the possibilities. Of course, I am really concentrating on the craziest idea I came up with and daydreaming away big time. I almost have my husband convinced that my crazy idea is the choice to make. I won't be able to hold it in for long, I just want to wallow in my nuttiness a while longer before everyone tells me I'm crazy.

Thank you all for reading and for all the warm comments during my recent difficulties. I'm not sure which direction I'll be traveling but it sure is wonderful to have you along for the journey.